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“Nigga stole my flag!”~ The United States of America on Malaysia
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Essentially the wang of Asia, which is located to the north of their cousins who live on an even smaller island Singapore, Malaysia (also known as Bolehland) is a young nation of diverse cultures and races such as F1 Formula-1 and Nascar. The timezone of Malaysia is unique because it follows the system of +1/+2 PMT (Predetermined Meeting Time) which is 1 or 2 hours later than PMT. Most foreigners have difficulty adjusting to this new timezone as they tend to show up 1 or 2 hours earlier than their local counterparts. The nation is moving forward with a vision towards becoming a developed nation by the year 2020, 3030, 4040 or whatever catchy number.
Malaysia is made up of 13 states namely Selengor, Kedoh, Police,Thengganew, Kelentoh, Berak, Pening, Sembilan, Malacrap Johor Balu (just north of Singkaypoh), Sabah, Sarawek (which are essentially Malaysia's eastern colonies). The three federal territories Kuala Apek, PuteraUmno and Lawak don't count as states since they're too small, like Canada. Another common state that Malaysians have is denial (no lah, where got?), which incidentally, is a river in Egypt.
Contents [[url=]hide[/url]]
- 1 1Malaysia
- 2 History of Malaysia
- 3 Language : Rojak
- 3.1 Useful and Common Phrases
- 4 Ethnic composition
- 5 National Culture
- 6 Malaysian Economy
- 7 Food and Popular Attractions in Malaysia
- 8 Wonders of Malaysia
- 9 The Malaysian National Service (PLKN)
- 10 Smatijoves
- 11 Transportation In Malaysia
- 11.1 Highways and Lowways (and their friggin' tolls all the way)
- 11.2 Jam Industry
- 11.3 Accidents
- 12 Politics of Malaysia
- 13 Winning elections in Malaysia
- 14 Religions in Malaysia
- 14.1 The Allah Dilemma
- 15 Education of Malaysia
- 15.1 SPM
- 15.2 Language Dillema
- 16 Corruption in Malaysia
- 16.1 Free Online Tips & Techniques
- 16.2 Lagu Duit Kopi (Malaysia Coffee-Money Song)
- 17 Anti-Corruption
- 18 Malaysia's Space Tourism Programme
- 19 Entertainment in Malaysia
- 19.1 Local TV Shows
- 19.2 Asstro
- 19.3 Real Live Entertaiment
- 20 Products Manufactured in Malaysia
- 21 Telecommunications in Malaysia
- 21.1 Favorite quotes of the Customer Service representative at TMwait Slowmyx / TMnerd Shitmyx
- 21.2 How many TMnutters/TMwaiters it takes to change a light bulb ?
- 22 Intellectual Jobs in Malaysia
- 23 Drugs
- 24 Street Rallies and Protests
- 25 The UnBiased Government of Malaysia
- 26 Street Rallies and Protests
- 27 Malaysian Celebrities
- 28 Tengok, Jangan Tak Tengok
Edit 1Malaysia The latest national motto, coined by incumbent (read: incompetent) Prime Minister Najil "Mongolia" Razak is '1Malaysia', which is actually stolen from One Israel. (apa lah Najib, mau tiru pun tiru orang yahudi mia, mampui la kalau macam ni). Elaborating, Najis defined One Malaysia as in One Malay-sia, or simply, Malaysia with only a homogenous race of UMNO-loving Malays, which can also be explained elegantly with the slogan '3Races, 2Allah, 1Malaysia". Whereby 3 races fight over the Muslim vs Catholic issue of Allah in 1Malaysia Land. Malaysia Boleh.5.39.217.767 ^& P, o$ K) J
The first and primary principle of 1Malaysia is, "if thou art not Malay, please get the sorry out". Upholding that principle, a mass deportation of Chinese and Indians back to their home countries is currently in effect. Those refusing to return to China or India have been reportedly sent to dungeons deep inside Najis' evil lair for torture, brainwashing and sodomy sessions with Anwar. TVBNOW 含有熱門話題,最新最快電視,軟體,遊戲,電影,動漫及日常生活及興趣交流等資訊。0 e. b8 H! Z0 A1 X4 @1 P
Tons of hilarious One-slogan variations have popped up recently, ranging from 1Toilet to 1Rempit, however satirical they may seem, these are real life 1Barisan projects, designed solely with the rakyat's well-being in mind, ya, really. 1Toilet aspires to abolish the gender binary and separation of female & male toilets, encouraging more [Insert Race Here] to engage in kinky toilet sex and erotic tranny cross-dressing culture.公仔箱論壇$ p) K) v5 A, D# Q g
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Islamic Soviet Union of Malaysia
Bodohland(Flag)(Coat of Arms)Motto: BALIK CINA DAN INDIA!!11!!!1Anthem: Negarakuku by namewee, Ala Canggung
CapitalAfrica Previous capital Great BritainLargest cityCity Inshah(sucks banana)Official languagesUnintelligible rojak of Malay, English and ChineseGovernmentFascist| Dictatorship Paramount Ruler 公仔箱論壇* N* n# r ~9 l% z8 E/ J' w
- Prime Minister TVBNOW 含有熱門話題,最新最快電視,軟體,遊戲,電影,動漫及日常生活及興趣交流等資訊。4 w4 F0 @/ d. T% H; L) s
- Head Of State
- President Mussolini
Najis Tong Rosak 9 f! L$ I6 K+ y
Mad-hathir Moha-mad
Anuar I-Bra-Him National Crap Kereta Potong, Beruk-tua, KiaNasa Major exports Durian, Jihad Terrorist, Quran, Moral Textbooks, Pirated VCD & DVD, Smatijoves, Pork, Water, Sewage (to Sinkaypoh), Cooking Oil, Condoms, Hand gloves, Belacan, Nasi Lemak National Icon 1Toilet, KLCC, Tolls, Duit Kopi, Excellent Taxi Service, Dirty Roads, Polluted River and Beach, Vandalism, Snatch Theft, Uneducated Leaders and Dirty Toilets.National Hero(es)Mawi. Mat Rempit, Kerisman, Cicakman, Orang Utan, Ah Seng, Ah Long, Ah Beng, Mamak, Macha, Gay 'Astronut'Declaration
of Independence If it's a Malay problem, it's a national problem; If it's a Chinese problem, it's a racial problem; If it's an Indian problem, it's not a problem.CurrencyRing-ItReligionI-Slam, Rempitism, Rasuahism, Awek-Melayu-Bogelism , Mawi, Racism, Fascism Population 26 million citizens and 1.5 billion illegal immigrants
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Edit History of MalaysiaMain article: History of Malaysia
Edit Language : RojakThe official and most widely spoken language of Malaysians is Rojak Language, also known as Bahasa Rojak. Rojak language often regarded as the World's 2nd International Language by experts for its diversity and uniqueness by combining various languages. It consists of Malay, Chinese, Tamil, English, Japanese, Spanish, French, Hokkien, Thai, Elven, Orc, Pokemon, Digimon, Mars, Venus, and many more. With that, everyone can communicate without the need to know more than 1 language. This is very useful in foreign nations as messages can be conveyed effectively using only Rojak. Rojak is also the simplest language ever constructed, just follow the following rules.; N6 x* t8 v0 ^
No Sweat Lah!TVBNOW 含有熱門話題,最新最快電視,軟體,遊戲,電影,動漫及日常生活及興趣交流等資訊。+ `4 U/ f7 ~2 z
Edit Useful and Common Phrases
Edit Ethnic composition Population structure of Malaysia in 2009 are: Malays (60%), Chinese (23%), Indians (10%), Orang Asli (5%), Caucasians (1%). The rest are Pakistanis, Burmese, Nepalese, Indonesians, Arabs and some Aliens and rapists. Black people are not welcomed. Being black in Malaysia carries a mandatory death penalty and every black entering the country will get arrested and hanged within 3 hours. * Y3 n) D3 E5 D
Edit National CultureMain article: Culture of MalaysiaTVBNOW 含有熱門話題,最新最快電視,軟體,遊戲,電影,動漫及日常生活及興趣交流等資訊。 F& g: e" a( e- f$ y
Edit Malaysian EconomyMalaysia exports a lot of rubber to countries around the world. All thanks to the hard work of the heroic rubber tappers summoning up courage to face the occasional 'pontianak' or 'momok' frights as well as countless attacks from cobras, Polar Bears and Hamsters. 5.39.217.762 i3 c5 w* M6 m2 Y7 k4 ~: e- z- m4 k
Edit Food and Popular Attractions in Malaysia
Edit Wonders of Malaysia1. The Happy Penis Palace: Known in Malay as Istana Zakaria. The only building built with no approval and unpaid assessment fees that is not demolished and sealed. The owner is the first bankrupt to be able to own a palace.公仔箱論壇& b" H* i6 {0 O" x) }; a
Edit SmatijovesFor the big one with all the pretty little paragraphs, see Smatijove. Tourists who actually want to travel to Malaysia must prepare themselves for the evil cult tradition known as smatijoves. Everyone must eat one at 11 o clock every 12 hours or otherwise the demon entity Smataja will invade their household and rape and kill the rest of their family. 公仔箱論壇7 ?' V4 e, ~2 I. d
Edit Transportation In Malaysia
Edit Highways and Lowways (and their friggin' tolls all the way)Mr. Semi Value (who is supposed to be in Lunas but nowhere to be seen there, strange) is the one contributing to all the tolls around the tapioca-shaped country. All he needs to do is just say "We need tolls. Lots of them." and SWISH, tolls will pop up like toadstools (not mushrooms, because they were all kidnapped to some game with some lunatic plumber in it; who is actually Josef Stalin in disguise) after the bloody monsoon rain. Mr. Samy(an apprentice of Donald Trump-the hair oh the hair!!!) is now officially worshipped as The Satu, with his temple built in Lunas (as expected) in order to commemorate his efforts to conquer the Highway Maytricks, but he's still nowhere to be seen in Lunas. And strangely enough, ANY kind of road is suitable to become a Highway, including those roads that are nicknamed 'Ulu-Ulu Road' (though it's much more suitable to be called a Lowway but crap, this is Malaysia and Malaysia Boleh!). A road made for cows to walk on will suddenly become a highway within a day, and there will be tolls every 5 KM on it for some apparent reason left for everyone not stupid enough to figure it out. It is widely believed that Malaysian highways will improve significantly, as soon as someone figures out a way to keep Singaporeans from crossing the border and acting like they are in the Monaco Gran Prix. `5 ~8 F, I) z2 A+ u' S
Edit Jam IndustryOne of Malaysia's famous side-products is the traffic-flavored jam. Thanks to the local government who molded roads in strange various ways, it is deemed common to find the production of this uniquely-flavored jam at any part of this monkey half-island, and normally between the twin peak hours of morning and evening (which is determined by the position and angle of the Twin Peak Towers on the surface of Earth against the Moon and the Sun and the whole universe whaddaheck). Unfortunately the government wasn't genius enough to think of the idea of exporting this kind of jam, because the only market they'd thought of is the local market. The phrase 'stuck in a jam' normally refers to the local people who enjoyed bathing in the jam and honking all around to exclaim how tasty the traffic-flavored jam is. Surveys report that quite a number of tourists enjoyed this jam more than the Durian (which was actually the main material to make stinkbombs used during the Holy Party Wars and the upcoming Neighborhood Wars), in which they will go around expressing their delight with 'heart-felt swearing'. Despite its growing popularity, it remains second best behind the controversial Blackcurrant concoction used to make smatijoves. Oh well, that's all you can really say about them anyway. walaoeh
Edit AccidentsIf you happen to see a car hit a motorcycle, quickly stop your car and stand there to watch to see whether the biker died or still alive. Make sure you join the crowd, watch and talk nonesense as if you care and willing to help. Don't call an ambulance - they won't arrive in time and besides it's not that you really care.
Edit Politics of Malaysia
Yang Amat Gatal - Abdul Fatah
Edit Winning elections in Malaysia In Bolehland, winning elections is a no-brainer. Anyone can become a prominent YB(Yang Bodoh/Yang Babi) these days - even a university reject (don't believe me, ask Najis Tong Rosak). 5.39.217.767 a: M1 B) {1 A6 _
Edit Religions in Malaysia Malaysia practices the basic democratic principle of freedom of religion. Freedom as in "Free to join Islam, death to the infidels". However, Muslims who finally come to their senses and commit apostasy are liable to anal rape, stoning, caning and other primitive forms of torture, often regarded as entertainment and a popular tourist attraction. A stupid gal Lina Joy renounced her religion, Islam, to become a Christian in 2000. However, in Bolehland you can do anything but renounce Islam. She is now dead. Thanks to all the Muslims who summoned the wrath of Allah and made the Syariah court collapse during her trial. 6 B5 B) k7 ]( F0 V& t6 W' T
Edit The Allah DilemmaJust when you thought Malay Muslims can't get anymore retarded, a threshold of stupidity never thought possible have been achieved in Malaysia. The word Allah originates from Arabic, Al - The, Lah - Lie, The Lie, which Arabs call their God for lying to them about their 72 virgins after 9/11. Catholics in East Bolehland, facing a ban from the government on printing bibles (freedom of religion, in your face), imports bibles from shitty Indonesia in the shitty Indonesian language, which happens to use Allah as the word for God. Apparently, Muslims are so stupid, that they are confused by the same word being used in the bible and the quran, shaking their muslim faith and eventually converting them to catholicism. So, catholics aren't allowed to use 'Allah' anymore, and must replace it with Flying Spaghetti Monster, Tulan or whatever. The catholics, unsatisfied, sought help from the almighty Pope in The Vatican and filed a court case lifting the ban on 'Allah'. Obviously, the judge isn't an idiot and they won. Muslims, being the typical cry baby and butt hurt from the court's decision, started firing their lazers and bombed churches. Ironically, most the bombs never went off, causing minimal demage, because Malays are like the French, they just can't get anything right. In the end, the USA invaded Malaysia, sent the Malays back to Arabland where they happily worshipped Allah and stole all the oil and gold. The End.
Edit Education of Malaysia Main article: Education of Malaysia7 F: H0 k3 b; j% b" B6 d
Edit Language DillemaFollowing a policy reversal of teaching Math and Science in English, nation-wide SPM test scores for rural areas increased by 0.005%, which experts claim has the same significance as Najis_RazakNajib playing with C4 in Malaysia or a Malay raping his daughter. The remaining students refused to sit for the exam due to the ridiculous questions such as in Add Math, "Cuba cari jawapan untuk x dalam persamaan x+1=0. Kalau tak boleh tak apa, kertas jawapan tanda Bumiputera dah okay, tambah 60 markah". Universities outside the country refused to accept any SPM candidates and the Malaysian university ranking plummeted another 20 places, behind Zimbabwe, Nigeria and Somalia.TVBNOW 含有熱門話題,最新最快電視,軟體,遊戲,電影,動漫及日常生活及興趣交流等資訊。- E5 N9 s6 N9 _* v- J* a- I4 M% q
Corruption in Malaysia “A Malaysian with power is absolutely corrupted”~ Oscar Wilde
“ People should not be afraid of their governments. Governments should be afraid of their people. But here in Malaysia, it's a total opposite. Sigh ”~ V lamenting his inability to save Malaysia from corruption. TVBNOW 含有熱門話題,最新最快電視,軟體,遊戲,電影,動漫及日常生活及興趣交流等資訊。, E: a+ l1 `) c" ^+ y/ H
“PDRM Stand for Polis Dibenarkan Rasuah di Malaysia”~ Head of Police in Malaysia
“Although in Malaysia got Coffee Bean and Starsorrys but nothing is tasty as Coffee Money, it give us more power to get for it! ”~ Every Police in Malaysia
Free Online Tips & Techniques
Lagu Duit Kopi (Malaysia Coffee-Money Song)
Edit Anti-CorruptionMalaysia is becoming better. Most Malaysians nowadays, do not opt for bribery. Although I cannot deny a small group of people who are doing this. In the years to come, Malaysians will be corruption-free. Weird things is for many people here even the government minister they didn't think bribery is a corruption as it didn't giving harmful to anyone. So, stop exaggerating stuff <--- Is this fellow on marijuana?Most probably. And several other questionable substances as well, if his pathetic idealism is anything to judge by.
A police officer proudly displaying his new badge "Bribe me later"TVBNOW 含有熱門話題,最新最快電視,軟體,遊戲,電影,動漫及日常生活及興趣交流等資訊。* @" G( G' u: P4 ~4 c
Edit Malaysia's Space Tourism Programme After running out of ideas on how to show how "Boleh" Malaysians are at wasting money, the government finally decided to send a homosexual Malay into space, fully funded by the Chinese and Indian's taxpayer's money (USD 20Million). The government wants to pretend that Malaysia is sorrying rich and developed. If Malaysia have so much money, why the hell is the road still full of potholes and government building roofs still leaking? Get your sorrying priorities straight.
Entertainment in MalaysiaThe local entertainment industry consists of rip-offs of popular shows, local porn, low quality crap and other stuff that no one wants to watch.: Y3 p6 A' u3 o( |0 L
Local TV Shows
AsstroThe only satellite TV in Malaysia that even Malays living next to swamps can afford. Service sucks and it doesn't have dedicated porn channels. A nice innocent message, "Service is unavailable" pops up when it rains or when Badawi did something stupid, followed by screams from disgruntled customers. It has over one million channels but the only ones that work are cartoons, Malay soap operas, and "The Boring-Stuff-No-One-Wants-To-Watch Show: Starring Kopi Tandas" 5 D5 f$ P" w9 k* t6 P7 {" p3 u/ w( D
Real Live Entertaiment
Products Manufactured in MalaysiaBelow are the products manufactured in Malaysia and the recognition it received from the World.' D, S' q+ P( E6 r$ F: g
Telecommunications in Malaysia
How many TMnutters/TMwaiters it takes to change a light bulb ? All of them, and the everyone of them has the chances to hold the light bulb for 5 seconds - 5 days (depends on company ranks) 99.99999% of the time the light bulb will be missing then they will "Huh ?" every time someone mentions it.
Intellectual Jobs in Malaysia
Drugs
Thank you BN for protecting us from the unspeakable evils of Marijuanatvb now,tvbnow,bttvb3 ^1 U$ T; B0 `& ]7 {+ I
Street Rallies and ProtestsThe Prime Minister, Abdullah Badawi claims that "Malaysia is not a protesting country-lah!", but the text books in school disagree. Obviously he failed History while in secondary school, looks like we have a retard for a prime minister. Let's take a look at what the Secondary 3 History Text Book (page 58) has to say:
The UnBiased Government of Malaysia(1) Of the five major banks, only one is multi-racial, the rest are controlled by Malays.
I will go back and read more in detail la.....

via the heart , it was true nothing but the true . 


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